Kono Do'aho
by Aki Midori
Summary: [Chptr 2 Up!] How else could Sendoh Akira catch Rukawa's attention but to ACT LIKE THE GREATEST DO'AHO IN THE LAND... Sakuragi Hanamichi?! Sendoh undergoes a huge change... as he leaped from being a well-known hentai, to being Sakuragi II... What a mess.
1. Desperate

Kono Do'aho  
  
by Aki Midori  
  
Rating: PG  
  
Pairing: *grin*   
  
Warnings: Madness, as usual, from yours truly ^__^  
  
Genre: Humor  
  
Author's Blahs:   
  
Just trying my luck with this new crazy plot. *grin**grin* *gleam**gleam* Don't worry... I'll still continue writing Celibacy. I just want to add this.   
  
DiScLaimErS: Standard disclaimers apply. Bwahahahaha!!!  
  
----------------------  
  
Kono Do'aho  
  
Chapter One: Desperate  
  
Desperate.   
  
That's what I am right now.   
  
I tried every possible thing there is to try, did every possible thing there is to do, said every possible word there is to say, but Rukawa Kaede still looked at me as if I'm a ghost. I wanted to cry out loud.   
  
But then again... maybe I could just drown myself into a Double Decadence Chocolate Sundae with Triple Hot Fudge.   
  
Which is what I'm doing now.   
  
  
  
And Koshino... Hiro-kun... my perpetually scowling best friend was too busy ranting his head off about things which I don't give a damn about. My heart's too battered and broken to listen to him right now. I want to die.   
  
*sniff*  
  
"You. Are. So. Stupid!" Koshino nearly growled. I decided to ignore him. After all... I *am* stupid. But hey, is it my fault that I'm head-over-heels in love with Shohoku's ace, Rukawa Kaede? I mean, I didn't do anything wrong, right?   
  
Right?   
  
Oh well... it's not as if I wanted to wear a skirt and do the hoola in front of Shohoku's gym, but hey, I really, really, really, really wanted to get Kae-chan- okay, I'm getting too fancy here- Rukawa-kun's attention. I'm desperate, dammit! What's a guy to do?  
  
I tried everything!   
  
Oh... I said that already...right?   
  
Yeah, I did.   
  
I tried everything already, but Rukawa-kun still won't pay attention! He still won't look at me! He still won't love me!   
  
*sniff* *sniff*   
  
So I went over to Shohoku, wore a pink skirt and danced the hoola dance. Screw pride. Screw everything. At least I finally got his attention.   
  
Lemme play the scene in my mind once again...   
  
He was walking out of the gym along with his team mates. He was wearing his usual blue shirt and white shorts. His whole yummy body was glistening with sweat and I suddenly wanted to wipe it off for him. He was silent as usual, while his team mates were chatting casually. He was walking beside Sakuragi Hanamichi.   
  
And then I turned the music on.   
  
He looked at me.  
  
  
  
And I shook my hips and danced.   
  
Everyone laughed.   
  
He stared.  
  
And finally...  
  
"Do'aho," he said.   
  
He noticed me!  
  
And I was sooooo happy!   
  
Finally! He noticed me! It was just a simple word, yeah, but well, he still noticed me! I'm sooooo glad!   
  
"Oi, baka, are you listening to me?" Hiro-kun practically growled. What was he saying, anyway?   
  
I decided to ask him the same question... and earned a square hit in the face.   
  
"You weren't listening, goddamn you!" Hiro-kun growled. Ouch, I'm telling you, ouch! This man could very well be a pro-wrestler or a boxer or something. It hurts, dammit!   
  
"Come on, Hiro!" I whined. "Aren't you feeling sorry for me? I'm heartbroken!"   
  
  
  
"Heartbroken, my ass," Hiro-kun snapped. "You deserve that. You honestly think that Rukawa would fall in love with a baka hentai like you? Give me a break, Akira! What the hell has gotten into you? Have you no... no... pride? Might I remind you that you are the ace of Ryonan. Everyone respects you! Everyone looks up to you! What the-"   
  
Blah, blah, blah. Talk all you like, you overgrown meanie. It won't change a thing. What's done is done. Past is past. Ne?   
  
*Sigh*   
  
He never noticed me outside the court before this. Well, actually, he would never notice anyone unless this person is holding an orange ball. He'd only look at me whenever we're playing, or whenever he'd give me one of those 'I'd beat you' glares. I want much more than that. I want him to talk to me. I mean, *really* talk to me. I want him to look at me. I want him to smile at me.   
  
I want to be his friend.  
  
I want to be his everything.   
  
But perhaps I'm asking for too much.   
  
Ah hell... What a life.   
  
"You're not listening!" Hiro-kun shouted again, interrupting my musings about the cruelties of life.   
  
"Give me a break, Hiro-kun," I muttered.   
  
"Give you a WHAT?!" Hiro-kun exclaimed. "Here I am, lecturing you about your manners and decorum as the ace of Ryonan, and you tell me to give you a goddamn break?! Sendoh Akira, what is your problem, anyway?"   
  
"I am in love with Rukawa Kaede, that's what," I replied.   
  
Hiro-kun blinked. "But WHY?!"   
  
I blinked back. Is this man stupid or what? "You don't ask a person *why* he falls in love with someone," I replied.  
  
He blinked again. "But WHY?!"   
  
Poor guy. Probably lost. He has to fall in love. He has to get laid. I sighed. "You just love a person for who he or she is. No questions asked." Hey! That's a meaningful statement! Hooray for Sendoh Akira! Dr. Love! *That* would put Hiro-kun in his place!   
  
"Sendoh, are you sick?" he asked.   
  
Now what? I give him one of my most profound statements and he asks me if I'm sick? Now who's the bigger idiot? Now, now. I'll ignore this hotheaded friend of mine for a while.   
  
I have to think of a way to make Kae-chan- er- Rukawa-kun fall in love with me. Okay... maybe that's too farfetched. He'll have to notice me first. Without a basketball, of course.   
  
Think, think, think, Sendoh Akira!   
  
"O-re-wa-ten-sa-i!"   
  
Huh? What was the self-proclaimed tensai doing here?   
  
"Sa-ku-ra-gi!"   
  
People gave Sakuragi-kun a diry glare as he stomped down to an empty booth.   
  
"Oi! Kitsune! Hurry up, will ya!" he hollered. My handsome ears perked. *HE'S* here?!   
  
And in he strolled.   
  
A god, that's what he is. He walked with perfect grace. He practically glowed. Oh, I love him!   
  
I stood up and waved, but he didn't even look at me. My heart broke again. He just walked over to that hollering Sakuragi, bonked him on the head, uttered a small 'do'aho' and sat down.   
  
He ignored me again.   
  
"Did you see that, Hiro-kun?" I whined. "He ignored me again! Oh, how painful it is for me! The agony! Sweet torture!"   
  
*Bonk!*   
  
My bestfriend actually hit me again.   
  
"Itai!"   
  
"Quit being such a whiner, Sendoh," Hiro-kun snapped. "Stand up! Fight for what you believe in! Be a man!"   
  
Be a... man?   
  
*THAT* coming from this ever-complaining wimp?   
  
Wow! Heaven must be in a good mood today!   
  
"So, what am I gonna do, Hiro-kun?" I asked eagerly. He might have some useful suggestions.   
  
"I don't know," he replied with a blank face.   
  
I should have known.   
  
I sighed again, for the umpteenth time. I looked over to Rukawa's table. He was busy uttering insults to the uncontrollable Sakuragi. And again I wonder... why is it that he's always with Sakuragi-kun, anyway? They're always together. Why is it that he pays too much attention to Sakuragi? Yeah, Sakuragi's cute, but I'm cuter! Yeah, he's good in basketball, but I'm better! Yeah, he's tall, but I'm taller! Yeah, he's muscular, but I am, too! Yeah, he's sexy, but I'm sexier! Yeah, he's loud and obnoxious, and a little dense, and off-beat and a do'aho but I'm-...  
  
...  
  
I'm not.   
  
...  
  
...  
  
"That's it!" I exclaimed. Hiro-kun almost jumped out of the table. I gave him a triumphant smile and he gave me a suspicious glare.   
  
"Don't involve me," he simply said. I laughed.   
  
"Oh, Hiro-kun, I have a brilliant idea!" I said happily.   
  
"The last time you said that, I was forced to witness the most horrendous hoola dance in the entire history of mankind," he said.   
  
"Oh, come on, best friend, humor me for a while would you?" I asked. He raised an eyebrow, silently urging me to continue. "Okay... you know that Rukawa-kun never paid too much attention to me, right?"   
  
"I can understand why."   
  
I ignored that remark. "Okay... earlier, when I was doing the hoola, he noticed me, right?"   
  
"It's inevitable."   
  
Oh, Kami-sama, please give the the strength that I needed to bear with this man's dry sarcasm.   
  
"Okay... look at Sakuragi."   
  
"Why would I do a juvenile thing like that?"   
  
"Just look at him!" I snapped. He sighed and looked at Sakuragi who was laughing his head off at his own lame joke. "Well... what do you notice about him?"   
  
"He's a moron."   
  
"Exactly! And who's with him?"   
  
"Rukawa."  
  
"Exactly!" I said happily.   
  
Hiro-kun just gave me a blank stare. "And your point is...?"   
  
This man is just too dense! "Hiro-kun... listen to me-"   
  
"I'm trying to."   
  
"Would you just drop the sarcastic remarks and listen to what I have to say?" I snapped. *That* got his attention.  
  
"Fine. What do want to say?"  
  
"I know how to get Rukawa's attention!"  
  
"How?"   
  
"Well, hear me out. While I was doing, uh, *civilized* things, he wasn't paying any attention. But earlier, when I made a fool of myself, he finally noticed me! And he actually talked to me! Yeah, well, it was a cold 'do'aho', but that's a start, right? And no, Hiro, don't say anything. Lemme do the talking. Yes, where am I? Oh right... the do'aho part. And yeah, look at him now. He's hanging out with Sakuragi Hanamichi. He *always* spends his time with Sakuragi. And Sakuragi is a what? A do'aho. And earlier, I am a what? A do'aho. So that's it, Hiro-kun! Rukawa-kun *likes* do'ahos!" I ranted.   
  
And all the while, Hiro-kun's was giving me a look which says 'You are a moron', but I decided to ignore that, too.   
  
"Don't you see?" I asked. "The only way to get Rukawa's attention is to act like a do'aho! I'm going to act like Sakuragi Hanamichi!"   
  
Hiro-kun said nothing.   
  
Oh, to hell with him! I finally found out how to make Rukawa-kun love me! Let's try it out, shall we?   
  
"Ore wa tensai!" I hollered. "Nyahahahahaha!!!"   
  
  
  
And I could actually see him turning around to look at me! He was giving me a strange look, but hey! He's *looking* at me! Hooray!   
  
"Oi! Kitsune! What are you looking at?!" I demanded. "Are you oh-so-dazzled by this tensai?"   
  
I wanted to laugh. Sakuragi's eyes could have popped out from its sockets. Rukawa, as usual, was expressionless, but he's noticing me.   
  
"I am a genius!" I hollered again. "Basketball genius! Nyahahaha!"   
  
Hiro-kun was practically hiding under the table.   
  
"I do not know this person," he said whilst hiding his face from the public.   
  
  
  
"Oi, substitute!" I called out, referring to Hiro-kun, of course. "Aren't you glad that your best friend is the greatest basketball genius of Kanagawa? Nyahahaha!"   
  
"I said, I don't know you!" Hiro snapped. He stood up and left.   
  
Oh well...   
  
"I'll call you later, pal!" I shouted.   
  
I looked at Rukawa once again.   
  
He was still staring at me.   
  
And then finally...  
  
"Do'aho," he muttered.   
  
And then I knew... that I have just thought of the best plan ever!   
  
*********  
  
tsu.zu.ku  
  
*********  
  
This is crazy...  
  
But what do you expect from me?   
  
BTW, Celibacy chapter five will come out some time next week. Monday or Tuesday, perhaps. But no later than Tuesday... I don't want to make you guys wait any longer.   
  
Aki ^_~ 


	2. Tips

Kono Do'aho  
  
by Aki Midori   
  
*autumn_wind04@yahoo.com*  
  
Blah, blah, blah!:  
  
Thank you, minna, for those encouraging reviews! This might sound cliche or stupid, but your reviews really make my day. Please keep in mind that each and every single review means a lot to me. I'm very sorry if I haven't been mailing reviewers lately, but please rest assured that I will. I have lots of things to say to you. And also, for the anonymous reviewers, please put your mail address so I'd know how to contact you.   
  
Oh... this whole fic will be based on Sendoh's POV... unless I decided to change my mind.  
  
Thank you!   
  
diSCLaiMers: Bishies aren't mine. I wouldn't mind if they are, though. Rambo isn't my property, too (Thank God.).   
  
-------------------------  
  
Kono Do'aho  
  
Chapter Two: Tips  
  
I'm beginning to think that being a Sakuragi is hard.   
  
So far, I've been involved in a couple of fights with street punks. Thank heavens for my combat skills. I'm a peace lover, though, so I'm not really happy with it. I was just trying to intimidate the punks the way Sakuragi does... and they weren't happy with that. Next thing I know, I was engaged in a pro-wrestling war. Anyway, I emerged as the victor, so there aren't really any problems.   
  
But I realized just now that Sakuragi's skull must be the thickest here in Kanagawa. I mean, how the hell did he manage all those head-butts? I slammed my head on one of the punk's, and boy, were there many stars!  
  
  
  
And little birdies, too. Don't forget the little birdies going 'tweet, tweet, tweet!' around my head.   
  
So now, needless to say, I'm here in my room, listening to my best friend's lecture about peace and stupidity and some other bullshit. He's not helping with the lump on my head, too. I mean, he just threw an ice bag squarely on the lump and started with his tirade.   
  
Oh heavens... take pity on my eardrums, please!   
  
"I'm telling you, Akira, this 'Do'aho Operation' of yours is stupid! And how many-"  
  
Blah, blah, blah. And that's 'Operation Do'aho', Mr. Tightass.   
  
"And don't you dare roll your eyes at me-"   
  
You should get laid, Hiro. Get a life! Have fun! Get a boyfriend or a girlfriend. Get a pet, dammit! A dog, or a cat, or an iguana, or a tarantula... whatever! Just get a life, for mercy's sake!  
  
"Since when did you start going out and picking fights? Do you have any idea how-"   
  
"Since when did you start acting like my father?" I teased. "Ne, Hiro, you love me that much?"   
  
Koshino reddened in what seemed like volcanic anger. "I'm trying to straighten up your mind, damn you! Wipe that goofy smile off your goofy face and listen to me!"   
  
"But Hiro, my ears hurt. You talk too much."   
  
Hiro-kun threw me an exasperated room and sighed. He plopped down on my bean bag chair and said, "Akira. I'm telling you. This isn't a good idea. One Sakuragi is enough for Kanagawa. Hell, one Sakuragi is enough for the world! Don't go running around trying to be someone you're not."   
  
"But it's the only way," I argued.   
  
"Says who?"   
  
"Says me."   
  
"You *are* an idiot," Hiro-kun commented. He looked at me for the longest possible time before he finally gave out a resigned sigh. "Fine. Do what you want to do. Looks like you've got to learn the hard way. Just don't say I didn't warn you."   
  
I smiled. "Does that mean you're going to support me?"   
  
Silence.   
  
Then, "Do I have a choice?"   
  
I think I'm the luckiest man alive.   
  
****************  
  
Lemme see. I have this whole plan sorted out. Hiro-kun and I are currently studying my- uh- 'documents'. Scattered all over my table are pictures of the self-proclaimed genius, as well as short articles about his basketball prowess.   
  
Or lack of it.   
  
But anyway, where am I? Oh... the 'documents'.   
  
"To be Sakuragi, you have to be arrogant, rude, conceited and don't forget... stupid," Hiro said. Ooooh, he's such a nice friend, I can't help but smile again. "I don't know much about him. I mean... why should I waste time trying to decipher such a creature? All I know is that you have to be downright moronic if you wanted to be like him."   
  
I blinked. He couldn't be of any help at all! He's too sarcastic for his own good. I was about to say something when my someone knocked on my door. Or rather, pounded on it.   
  
"Hey, don't destroy my door!" I called out as I opened it.   
  
And my jaw dropped.  
  
I couldn't believe it. Standing in front of my door was Sakuragi Hanamichi... with a menacing frown.   
  
"Why, good day, Sakuragi-kun!" I greeted. "What brings you here?"   
  
"What's going on?"   
  
Aaaah... straight to the point.   
  
"What, you think I'm such a god that you have to change your measly ways to imitate this genius? Sakuragi asked. I sweatdropped. This man needed a sharp needle to deflate his ego. He might need Hiro-kun in his life. But I'm sure Rukawa-kun is doing a good job at that already.  
  
"Come on in, Sakuragi-kun," I said while making way for him. He stomped towards the living room and stopped on his tracks when he saw the table.   
  
"I knew it," he said with a cheeky grin. "You idolize me."   
  
"You wish, moron," Hiro snapped. "We're trying to get the stupidest picture and we'll go send it to a pyschic and he'll do some voodoo stuff on you. The earth doesn't need you."   
  
"Oh yeah? And who the hell are you, you prissy-looking substitute player?!" Sakuragi demanded. "Certainly, the world wouldn't need a commoner like you! You're not even of any help in your team, unlike me! Nyahahahaha!"   
  
Hiro-kun lunged for Sakuragi but I stopped him in time. "Nee, Hiro... go home now, would you? We'll continue this some other time."   
  
I realize now that having Hiro-kun and Sakuragi-kun under the same roof is lethal.   
  
Hiro humped and walked away. "Good riddance," he said then turned to me. "If you ever needed advice, go ask *that* nitwit. No one could help you but him. He's the real thing. First class idiot." With that, he walked away before Sakuragi could deliver his infamous head-butt.  
  
"Ch'. Prissy guy," Sakuragi commented. "I wonder how you could put up with him..."   
  
"Heaven gives me the strength," I said. Sakuragi laughed.   
  
"Figures," he said. He looked at the pictures and laughed at the one wherein he was locked in Akagi-san's headlock. "Where did you get these stuff?"   
  
"Hikoichi."   
  
"Oh... the note-taking, 'UNBELIEVABLE!' twerp?" Sakuragi asked, doing an imitation of Hikoichi when he said the 'unbelievable' part. He placed his hands on his cheeks, widened his eyes and rolled his eyes while doing so.   
  
Really. Such an idiot.   
  
But a nice idiot, though. I couldn't help but laugh.   
  
"So, what are you doing with these stuff?" Sakuragi asked once again.   
  
"I'm trying to be you."   
  
"I've figured as much."   
  
And here I thought that this man is the densest on earth.   
  
"To get that kitsune, right?" Sakuragi asked. "You like him, don't you?"   
  
He's actually bright! I nodded vigorously.  
  
"You think that by being me, you'd actually have him?"   
  
Nod.   
  
"So, you're trying to do all these research stuff about me, right?"   
  
Nod.   
  
He was thoughtful for a while.   
  
"You're sure about this plan?"   
  
Nod.  
  
"You're not gonna change your mind?"   
  
"Not until I try this."   
  
Silence... then,   
  
"Want me to help you?"   
  
"Honto?"   
  
"I'd help you!"   
  
"Honto, honto?"   
  
"Yes!" Sakuragi said. "I'd teach you to be me! That Kashine person is right! No one but me could help you!"   
  
"Uh... Sakuragi-kun... that's 'Koshino'."   
  
"Whatever."   
  
Silence. I cleared my throat. "Anou... Sakuragi-kun... you'd actually help me?"   
  
He frowned. "I already told that I would, right?"   
  
"Yes... but why? You want to see me and Rukawa together?"   
  
He actually cackled. "Because the world needs more gorgeous tensais like me! Nyahahaha! And when we've multiplied into a fair number, we'd start planning about world domination! Nyaaaaaaaaahahahaha!!!"   
  
And here I thought that this man actually has a golden heart.   
  
"So... let's start," Sakuragi said, his eyes glinting in determination. I could practically hear him whispering 'world domination' over and over again.  
  
Whoo, boy. What have I gotten myself into?   
  
"Let's start with the posture," Sakuragi said.   
  
Question marks popped out of my head. "Posture?"   
  
"Yes. Tensais like us should never *ever* slouch like that," he said. Then he slapped my back until I got this rigid stance.  
  
"Like this?" I asked. Now, do I look like Rambo or what?  
  
Hasta la vista... baby. *wink* *wink*  
  
Wait... that line's not Rambo's, right? Oh, well... back to work.  
  
He studied me, frowned then nodded. "Yes, that's it. Now... tensais never *walk*. Only commoners do. And since you wanted to be like me, you should never walk like a commoner."   
  
"What do I do, then?"   
  
"You strut. Like this." He puffed out his chest in this macho manner and swayed his arms as he strutted. "Let me see you do that."   
  
I did as he told. I think I might have looked like a duck walking around in panic. He frowned in concentration again then nodded. "Yes, that's fine," he said. "Now... I've heard your tensai laugh before and it's wrong. Very wrong."   
  
Do you have to have a procedure to do that ear-grating cackle? Amazing, really. But I decided to keep quiet. The master speaks...  
  
"When you have to laugh the extraordinary tensai laugh, you have to place your hands on your hips... like this." He demonstrated the motion and gestured for me to follow. He nodded in satisfaction when I did. "Next, you have to puff out your chest like this..." He puffed out his chest and I followed. " Lean back a little. Spread your legs apart..."   
  
"Is this okay?" I asked as I leaned back and spread my legs further.  
  
He shook his head. "Nope... wider," he said and I complied. "That's good. Now... for the laugh. Take a deep breath and cackle. Like this..."   
  
Frankly, I never thought you have to take a deep breath before cackling. But hey, he's the master and I'm just his mere student.   
  
"Nyahahahahaha!" he cackled.   
  
I decided to follow the suit. I followed the procedure, step-by-step, like a perfect student. I took a deep breath...  
  
And cackled.   
  
But it sounded like a strangled coughing spree instead.   
  
Sakuragi-kun 'tsked' and shook his head. "You need to practice more, Smiley. You obviously don't have the inborn talents of a genius."   
  
Yeah right. 'I don't have the inborn talents of a *fool*' should be the better term.   
  
"You should walk with an intimidating aura," he suddenly said. "No more Mr. Smiley. You should frown at commoners. They aren't worth smiling at. And you should be proud of yourself, no matter what. Tell the world of your legendary prowess! Sing the beloved tensai anthem!"   
  
I coughed. "Tensai... anthem?"   
  
"Yes, tensai anthem," Sakuragi said. "You have to sing like this... Ore wa tensai!... insert name, please... Basuketo man..."   
  
And I thought that only Hiro's lectures could torture my ears until they cry.   
  
"Try it, Smiley."   
  
Uh-oh...   
  
"Go on..."   
  
I cleared my throat. "Ore wa tensai! Sen-doh A-ki-ra! Basuketo man..."   
  
Problem is... I'm a good singer. In order for a person to perfect this tensai anthem, one should have the worst voice and the worst beat possible. When I sing the tensai anthem-  
  
"What is that... a ballad? A love song?" Sakuragi demanded. "Practice more."   
  
Yes... the tensai anthem sounded like a ballad when I sang it.   
  
"That's it for today, Smiley," Sakuragi suddenly said. "Someone's waiting for me back home. Now, I want you to practice the tensai laugh and the tensai anthem. We'll continue this tomorrow. At the basketball court near Shohoku High. Be there right after classes, or you'd miss one tensai session."   
  
"I'd be there," I promise. I wonder why this man is helping me. Surely, he's not serious about dominating the world, is he?   
  
"Oh... and you should dye your hair red, too."   
  
I prevented myself from blanching. I wouldn't go *that* far!   
  
... Or would I?   
  
Should I?  
  
"I'll think about it," I croaked. He nodded and walked away.  
  
I walked Sakuragi to the door and bid him good-bye. He just waved his hand and walked away. And then he looked back at me.   
  
"Oi..."   
  
"Nanda?"   
  
"You want that kitsune?" he asked with a cheeky smile.   
  
"I'm in love with him, Sakuragi-kun," I replied. He smiled even more.   
  
"Then you'll have to steal him from me. Do your best."   
  
And with that, he walked away with his hands on his pocket... like the punk that he is.   
  
My knees weakened.   
  
  
  
Whoo, boy! What a day!  
  
*********  
  
tsu.zu.ku  
  
*********  
  
Sorry for making Sendoh look like a twit. It'll change... by and by.   
  
Aki ^_~   
  
*runs off with Sakuragi to formulate a plan for world domination*  
  
*gets dragged back and bonked by AxKMLers* 


End file.
